I never get to watch TV anymore.

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not complaining. 99.9% of the hoopla on TV right now is not worth watching anyway.

I used to make time for Glee. Then, when New Girl debuted, I started watching that, too. Whenever there are new Mythbusters episodes I make sure to keep my Wednesday nights open.

But lately I just have not had time. During the day is out of the question. Between class and homework and the gym and mealtimes, the TV never gets turned on. At night I’m either at dance team practice or at work or it is the weekend and my iTunes is on instead of my TV.

There is, however, one show that I indulge in once in a while at bedtime.

Katherine and I will sometimes put the TV on sleep timer and leave the Food Network on. Usually it’s Iron Chef, or Cupcake Wars, or (currently) Fat Chef.

But once in a while, we get lucky and our favorite show is on.


If you haven’t watched the show before, it’s a food competition in three rounds. In each round, the competitors are given a basket of secret ingredients that they must incorporate into their dish. After each round (appetizer, entrée and dessert), a competitor is “chopped” until only one is left, the “Chopped Champion.”

Sounds pretty simple, but the ingredients become absolutely ridiculous.

Astronaut ice cream, blue-footed chicken, taco shells, marshmallows, gummy teeth (the Halloween candy), squid, chuck steak, animal crackers, Gorgonzola cheese, cocktail onions, donuts, boxed mac and cheese, fruits I’ve never heard of, let alone seen…

I swear one time, the dessert basket had nacho chips, granola bars, chocolate and grapes. Something ridiculous. You have no idea what they’ll do with it. Like those Halloween gummy teeth. Three of them melted them down into a sauce and one just sliced them up and threw them in a salad! Gummy teeth salad. Gourmet.

Another great part of the show is the host, Ted Allen. Click play on this video, close your eyes, and listen to this guy’s voice. Just tell me who he sounds like…

Obama! Come on, did you hear it? Katherine pointed it out tonight and it blew my mind.

Anyway, I like this show so much that I feel like one day I’m going to stage my own version of Chopped in my kitchen. I’ll recruit my sister to gather my secret ingredients and Joey to compete against.

The only problem with this is that I see my sister purposely trying to screw with me and getting things that couldn’t possibly be put together. I’d definitely respond to this by throwing said ingredients (grapefruit, canned cheese, and clam juice) into a blender and forcing the resulting puree down her throat.

I’m also too competitive and would not enjoy Joey beating me. Not that he could. The kid has been known to mess up Easy Mac (he forgot the water).

All things considered, I should probably stick to dancing.


About MMM

Resolving to write in 2011!
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One Response to Chopped

  1. twindaddy says:

    “99.9% of the hoopla on TV right now is not worth watching anyway”


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