Our family is due in thirty minutes. I put the finishing touches on my Easter eggs about twenty minutes ago. I’m nervous about them.
Pinterest is wonderful and glorious, but there is a serious drawback. The drawback is that I see projects that look deceptively easy and think I can undertake them in an hour. The result is questionable Easter eggs and a serious amount of glitter.
I attempted today to combine this and this, both of which I found on Pinterest. The idea of little eggs with secret messages in them, I thought, was brilliant. So I set out to the grocery store to buy double the amount of eggs I needed, assuming I’d break at least half of them.
The real problem with these instructions, was that there were no instructions. Just little pictures that made everything look so neat and cute!
Step 1: poke a hole in the egg.
Step 1 (what they should have told you): There is a really weird thin layer of film on the inside of eggs. This film does not pull away with the eggshell that you manage to poke through and it will block all the yolky-ness from escaping. Removing the film is nigh impossible. Also, your hole will not be perfectly round.
Step 2: Remove all the yolky-ness from inside the egg.
Step 2 (what they should have told you): You will shake the crap out of those eggs for fifteen minutes apiece and only then will yolk start to flow out of that minuscule hole. Your hands will get covered with yolk and egg whites and you will want to vomit as you try to pull the slimy mess from the shell. Repeat 10 times because you have eight guests coming and you’ll drop two of them just as you finish cleaning them out.
Step 3: Decorate your egg! **Note, I actually reversed steps 3 and 4**
Step 3 (what they should have told you): Decide that you will not settle for polka dot eggs and instead opt for the infinitely more messy method: glitter. Painstakingly paint each egg with white acrylic paint (because you can’t find glue) then dump glitter* all over them.
*when you can’t find craft glitter, dig into your sister’s ancient makeup collection and steal eye-shadow. Wonder why on earth she ever bought red, blue, and pearl colored glitter meant for your eyes.
Step 4: Write an adorable little note, roll it up, and slip it into your egg!
Step 4 (what they should have told you): No matter how hard you try, your paper will not roll up that small. Luckily for you, the holes you made in your eggs are ginormous because you suck, so the notes aren’t too difficult to get in there. After you get the first note in the first egg, realize that the inside of the eggs are still damp from being rinsed out and, consequently, your notes are inevitably going to get soggy. Enlist help from your mom’s hairdryer to try and dry the eggs. When you find yourself holding an egg shell with tongs and pointing a hair dryer at it, wonder if this was really a good idea. In your pensive state, you’ll drop the egg, but decide no one will notice the cracks once you paint it. After fifteen minutes of egg-drying, realize it’s not doing anything to help and pray that the notes dry out while the eggs sit on the table. **Note, after the fact, your dad will suggest that you put the eggs in the oven to dry them out. He will only suggest this after you’ve finished the entire project.**
Yeah, unfortunately, there’s no way my egg messages are going to look this cute when people open them. Luckily my family has a sense of humor and will likely enjoy the failure just as much as they would have enjoyed beautiful eggs with dry notes. As if all that wasn’t enough, I decided to cover my eggs with glitter, but forgot to follow a crucial instruction: spray all the eggs with hairspray to keep the glitter from getting everywhere. I guess everyone is going to have to wait until after dinner to crack their eggs, otherwise they’re going to have a very sparkly meal.
Did anyone actually have success with their Easter eggs? Happy Easter everyone!