The Cardinal Sins of Christmas Decorating

Number one rule of the Christmas season is to wait until after Thanksgiving to go all out. I’m a firm believer in one holiday at a time and since Thanksgiving just happens to be my favorite holiday you must do it right and not steamroll it with over-zealous Christmas spirit.

Now, since it is in fact the week after Thanksgiving (hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Gobble, gobble), we’re in the clear. Dust off your garland, untangle your lights, pick out a tree and compose your holiday playlist because it is officially the holiday season!

I absolutely love decorating for Christmas but I tend to get a bit… judgmental…when I see decorations that are sub par. I mean A for effort and all, but it’s the holidays people! Sticking a light-up reindeer on your lawn and calling it a day does not cut it. Sorry (not really).

So to help everyone avoid my judgement, I present to you, the Cardinal Sins of Christmas Decorating.

1. Excessive Lights.

think there’s a house in there somewhere…

If your neighbors don’t realize when the sun sets because of your lights, you’re over doing it.

2. Poorly timed, blinky lights.

See these? They’re nice, they’re subtle, they don’t run the risk of sending anyone into epileptic shock.

If every bush and tree in front of your house is adorned with strands of blinking lights all blinking at different frequencies and patterns, you deserve to be tied to a chair in your yard and forced to stare at them all night long.

3. Oddly colored LED lights.

This isn’t the worst offense on the list, but it should still be avoided if possible. Something about the oddly futuristic glow of LED Christmas lights makes the back of my eyeballs ache.

4. The half-ass job.

One strand of lights? Really? If you’re going to decorate the house, do it right, put in a little effort. Seriously, why did this person even bother?

5. The clearly-professional snob.

I bet you people will disagree with me on this one. I know lights aren’t exactly the easiest/most exciting thing to get on your house. In fact, they’re rather infuriating. So I see why those with fat wallets will dish out the dough to have a professional do their house for them. But seeing houses perfectly trimmed in lights spaced out down to a fraction of an inch gives me the creeps.

Besides, tangling yourself in Christmas lights and unleashing every curse word you know when, just as you think you’re done, you realize half the strands you used don’t even light up, is half the fun! Side note: always test your lights before spending all that time adorning your yard, do yourself a favor.

But there’s one Christmas decorating trend that I absolutely abhor above all others. Searching for images of this one made me sick to my stomach.

6. Net lights.

Oh, God WHY!? They combine half-assing it, (because seriously how hard is it to throw a blanket of lights over a bush in your hard?) and professional snobby look, because all the lights are perfectly spaced out in a grid pattern. The biggest problem with net lights is when people literally drape them over their shrubbery and call it a day. The square yard of lights really says “Merry Christmas” don’t you think?

And lest you think that by properly adorning your yard with net lights that I can’t tell, I can spot net lighting from a mile away. I’d rather see a hand-wrapped tree any day.

There, now that you all think I’m a Scrooge, happy decorating!

Stay tuned for part two of my Christmas decorating series: The Commandments of Christmas Decorating, where I share all my favorite decorating classics!

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About MMM

Resolving to write in 2011!
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4 Responses to The Cardinal Sins of Christmas Decorating

  1. dad says:

    well said oh Elf magic……I especially like all the potential curse word use while decorating…and you needed some reference to ladder risk…hahahah

  2. Pingback: The Commandments of Christmas Decorating | MMWords

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